The Broken Triathlete

Pee or get off the Pot

2011-01-26T13:15:00.001Z

I fell off the wagon and regained 4 of my 7 lost lbs (which is actually still 8 lbs less than my highest recorded weight). I blame Christmas and my reaction to Psycho Neighbour and it's taken me some effort to get back in the right mindset and all of your amazing blogs helped me get there. But, today, one particular post really struck me:

Http://escapefromobesity.blogspot.com/2011/01pee-or-get-off-pot.HTML

Lyn says she's a "symbol of perseverance, tenacity and dedication to a goal". And her post has helped me be, as well.

Neighbour from hell

2010-11-15T14:15:00.001Z

has sapped all my emotional energy. We're living next door to a psychopath.

Seven is a magic number

2010-11-05T08:04:00.003Z

There are seven wonders of the world, seven deadly sins, seven samurai, the magnificent seven, seven dwarves and....

seven pounds gone from my body.

Yes, I weighed in this morning at 14stone 7lbs. That's half a stone (7 lbs) gone.

Now, I could wait until my official weigh in day on Wednesday, but my MIL is coming this weekend and she's taking us out for a slap up Sunday lunch. Having marked the goal off the list will make me more careful about not overindulging, so I'm taking it!

The other bit of good news is that I was discharged by my physio, last night. I'm firmly on the road to recovery. Pilates and walking will continue to be my main focus, but I'm hoping to start both cycling (indoors, at home, on turbo trainer and new bike!) and swimming soon, but only for the purposes of concentrating on form.

Happy days!

Weigh in day and spooning...

2010-11-03T08:07:00.003Z

3 lbs off this week! I'm so chuffed, considering I can't exercise and I still had a couple of glasses of wine at the weekend.

It is entirely possible to be happy, eat great food that you love AND lose weight.

I'm well on target to have lost a stone by Christmas.

STOKED!!

Now, on to spooning!

As though signing up for 2 (albeit, mini) triathlons isn't enough incentive to drop bags of weight to make running (not to mention, fitting into my wetsuit. Can you say "Shamu"? Seriously, I have a picture of me in a wetsuit somewhere, I'll find it and post it) much easier, but we've booked our tickets to LA to visit my Dad in May. We're flying with Air New Zealand from London Heathrow on one of their new planes with the SkyCouch! Basically, you buy 2 economy seats and the third for half price. These seats have leg rests that raise all the way up to make a sort of bed. Notice the 2 skinny models in the seats...

Fortunately, my husband is already tiny. He's a keen cyclist and has about minus 5% body fat, but not me. The thought of getting on that plane and not being able to use the bed properly is horrifying to me. Excellent incentive, methinks...

Check these vids out, too:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ikre4MBy040

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kHGU_c5E_Hw

I've been wondering for years why they couldn't do this as I CANNOT sleep sitting up. I have to get my feet up and balancing your feet on the armrests of the seat in front is both antisocial and impossible to do while unconscious. I've even take a large hard carry on bag to force into the foot space in order to have something to put my feet on. "Hi, I'm the Broken Triathlete and the SkyCouch was my idea...."

Even better, is that you can lift the leg rest on your seat only, which is awesome enough, in case I ever need to travel over there by myself. They also have seat back entertainment and the concept of ordering your food when YOU want it, not when they bring it, all from the touch screen. That has got to save the airline money, in the long run, because at the moment, they have to heat everything up and throw away what doesn't get eaten. But if they can keep what they don't cook, that has to save money AND minimize waste. Good for them AND us. I love it when airlines think outside the box like this and try to win our custom by improving our experience, not by slashing prices (do not get me started on RyanAir. I hate those bastards). Virgin got the ball rolling with seat back entertainment and free toiletries, but they stopped improving.
Anyway, it's many months away, but I'll take loads of photos and let you know what I thought of it all.

If it works, ANZ could be replacing Virgin as my airline of choice (I'm looking at YOU, Richard)...

I've taken the plunge

2010-10-30T14:38:00.001+01:00

I've signed up for two triathlons.

19/06/2011 - Henley Triathlon
02/07/2011 - The Shock Absorber WomenOnly triathlon

They're Novice/fun distances with 2.5k run sections in case I can't run again by then, but I just need to feel like a triathlete again. Having something to train for is such a great motivation and I feel different about myself when I'm preparing for an event. There's a purpose for it all. I'm not just trying to fit into skinny jeans ( a goal that quickly goes out the window when that bloody needle on the scale just. won't. budge!), I'm "in training" *flexes muscles, flashes big cheesy grin*. I don't know why it makes a difference, but it does. Passing up the sticky sweets that I just KNOW my colleague will bring back from Cyprus next week will be so much easier.

I still can't cycle, swim or run, but I CAN lose weight and strengthen my core in preparation. And I can walk. In fact, I'm a crazy walking fool. I walk 3 times a week during the week and 2 long walks at the weekend. Brisk walking, mindful of core and posture. It hurts sometimes, really hurts, particularly the muscles in my upper back but the sciatic pain is almost non existent and I get very little pelvic pain anymore (unless I do something stupid like spend the day slumped over sewing machine, like I did yesterday *shhhhh* ).

My right hip is doing weird things though, like trying to dislocate when I move too quickly, so I must mention that to my physio.

But for today, I'm officially in base training; I'm an athlete again!

Already beginning to feel different

2010-10-28T09:29:00.002+01:00

I weigh every morning. I'm so susceptible to water retention that weighing weeklly just doesn't work for me. I need to know if the 2 lb gain is actually a gain that's crept on all week, or is just some weird fluctuation that will be gone tomorrow.

This morning, I weighed 14s9.2. That's 1.6 lbs off since yesterday! I must be dumping water. I'm not working out enough to burn that kind of fat. I just hope it's not muscle that's going. I've lost enough already. We'll see tomorrow whether it's come back or not!

Why do I weigh myself every day? Well, a few years ago, I tried weight watchers to ditch the post-quitting-smoking weight. On the 3rd week or so, I set off for my meeting, confident of a loss as I'd been good all week, exercised, stayed on plan, the whole deal. I got on the scale and saw the dreaded figures: 2 lb gain! You could have hit me in the face with a brick and I would not have felt more stunned. I didn't really concentrate on the meeting as all I could think about was how it could have happened.

I got home, weighed myself again and, sure enough, the 2 lbs was still there. I felt like giving up and eating everything in the fridge, but I didn't. I held my resolve and moved on.

The next morning, I weighed myself again and somehow, I'd magically lost 6 lbs! I weighed myself again when I got home and had only had an extra 2 lbs. So, I had, in fact LOST 2 lbs that week, but timing and bad luck meant I stood on the scale when I was carrying extra water. So, I resolved to weigh myself daily, twice a day, for a month, to learn more about how my body changes day to day. I also weighed myself before my official weigh in, to ensure I never got caught on the hop like that again.

Two weeks later, I'd watched the weight gradually come off all week, with a few skips and blips, got to weigh in day and, there it was, a 4lb gain again. I knew that couldn't be fat, it just doesn't work that way, so I went to the weigh in, knowing I'd have a gain, but that it wasn't real and it would likely be gone by morning.

I got to the meeting, weighed in, saw the "2lb gain" and the leader asked what I'd done wrong, etc etc. I said that it wasn't a real gain as I weighed myself everyday and this was a 4 lb "blip". She looked at me in horror, told me I MUSN'T weigh myself everyday due to weight fluctuations and how demoralizing it could be. I tried to counter by explaining that that is the whole reason in favour of weighing daily. I asked her, if I didn't weigh myself every day, I would have arrived there, seen the 2 lb gain, and been demoralized after all my hard work, not knowing that it was just water and would be gone tomorrow or the day after and I'd actually lost weight that week.

She stuck to her guns, completely incapable of seeing my argument. I can't help thinking they toe that party line because, if we weighed ourselves at home, why would we need to pay someone else to weigh us?

So, I stopped going and weigh myself at home and lose the weight a healthier way (for me, no franken-food substitutes just because they're lower in points. Fat free yoghurt or 1 cal cooking spray? No thanks!), losing another 10 lbs at home on my own, weighing myself every day.
If you're going to be a slave to the numbers, then at least ensure you're looking at the RIGHT numbers and better understand how they work. If you can live with just seeing progress in the mirror or on the tape measure, then I take my hat off to you! Truly! I wish I had that kind of patience. Sadly, I don't, and the scale, with this much weight to lose, is still my tool of choice in daily motivation. I won't set myself up to fail by leaving it all up to chance.

Weigh in day

2010-10-27T08:42:00.004+01:00

After a little weight spike yesterday (up to 14st 12.2!) my "official" weigh in this morning was 14st 10.8! This has also dropped me below 30 BMI. When I was more muscular, I didn't pay much attention to that figure, but I know I've lost a good deal of muscle over the last 2 years of injury, so it's more important to me, for some reason.

Very pleased that I didn't let that little spike get to me and that I stuck to plan yesterday. 3 lbs gone. It's really happening! And, it's been easy because my heart finally matches my head.

I truly want this so it will come.

Weekend success

2010-10-25T08:28:00.001+01:00

So, we had the show. Saturday was great and Sunday not so much. I stood all day Saturday as my posture really goes to hell if I sit down too long. By the afternoon, my feet were killing me, but it was 2pm before my back started to hurt, which is awesome. Sunday was a different story. Already tired, my back ached all day, despite thinking about posture.

The good news is that my wonderful husband cooked so I wouldn't be tempted to order takeaway due to exhaustion. This morning, I'm still 14st 11.4 (207.4) with 2 days left to shift that half pound. Feeling good!

Resisting temptation

2010-10-21T15:25:00.003+01:00

Our chef at work bakes the nicest, most moist, lightest cakes in the world.

Lemon drizzle, this one. Looks nice, huh?

Meh, I bet it tastes like cardboard (sorry Karen)

Physio update

2010-10-21T12:05:00.001+01:00

A+ again! YAY!

So, standing posture still has some way to go. It's hard to get it right when I've been doing it wrong for 40 years, but it's much improved, she says.

Still on "pre-pilates" exercises, but she's consistenly impressed with how much I can do so she's given me 3 more exercises (double knee folds, toe touch and single coffee table slides) and I start full pilates on the 4th of November.

With exercise, I'm still running at around 1200 calories which I'm worried is a bit low as I don't want to lose any muscle mass (there's still a lot under the jelly), especially as I can't exercise at the moment. I've lost weight again this morning, so I think I need to be careful.

I might add a slice of PB on toast mid morning in order to to boost the calorie count a little. At least I know I can be full and happy on less, if needs be.

I still have the weekend to get through. It is going to be very busy and I know I'll want a few glasses of wine and a tempting takeaway in the evening(s). I'll have to think of something equally nice that I can whip up quickly. Maybe salmon pilaf.

Weigh in day

2010-10-20T08:30:00.001+01:00

14st 12.6 lbs

That's 1.4 lbs down in a week!

9 weeks to Christmas, 1.5 lbs a week. I could be a stone down by then. I suspect it won't work out like that though (I know, I know, limiting beliefs...)

Tired

2010-10-19T09:16:00.000+01:00

Because I sit at a desk all day, I get no reprieve from the grip and tuck posture exercises my physio has given me to stabilize my hypermobile pelvis and it's exhausting. Well, more emotionally than physically, really, but tiring it all is.

I know that I have two choices: I either grip and tuck all day, every day with the inherent slow drip feed of muscle fatigue from muscles all over my upper body being forced to do their real jobs of supporting my not insignificant weight OR I relax and sag and slouch and prop myself up and let my pelvis slip and my back sway and live with the chronic hip, pelvis, sciatic and lumbar pain making sitting, walking, driving and even sleeping impossible.

The grip and tuck is nowhere near mindless yet. It is a minute by minute reassessment of ab grip, pelvis position, shoulder placement and breathing technique. It is exhausting both mentally and physically. It's like quitting smoking all over again.

Every now and again, I can't resist the temptation to just let it all hang out (quite literally). It gives my abs a nice little stretch but I can feel everything slosh about and it only takes a few seconds before I don't like the sagging feeling and have to zip it all up again.

I strongly suspect that all the tummy jelly isn't helping. I must have 5-10 lbs of fat just on my belly alone fighting against the muscles trying to hold everything in. Even more incentive to stay on plan.

Yesterday, which I'm counting as day one, went well. I went out for a walk at lunchtime as well as the two dog walks and just went over my 1500 cal limit, meaning I was under 1200 (1127) for the day, which I'm not sure is a good thing.

I guess it'll take some tweaking to get it right.

Physio Report card

2010-10-16T12:00:00.000+01:00

A+!

I can't cycle yet, but my posture was much better so I've moved on to getting my shoulders under control. So, where I was standing, tucking my pelvis under to get rid of the swayback effect, and "ab gripping" (my words) to shorten the stomach muscles with a view to straightening the back, I now have to get the shoulders down and back (which makes my back want to sway again) AND ab grip. It's hard as hell.

I've also been given 4 "pre-pilates" exercises, all focusing on stabilizing the pelvis while moving the legs. One of them she gave me, despite thinking it would be too hard, because she knows that I like lots to do, and I was VERY pleased to hear that I can already do it quite well!

I've come away motivated and very chuffed with myself, indeed :D All the hard work all week has really paid off and I finally feel like I'm moving forward. Dorney Lake, here I come!

Giving my inner critic the day off

2010-10-15T09:27:00.000+01:00

It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat.

Theodore Roosevelt

To everyone of you that puts yourself in the arena today, you are an inspiration to me and millions like us. Dare greatly, success or no, and make us proud, but, more importantly, be proud of yourself, for you venture where many fear to follow.

Fat is a mentalist issue

2010-10-15T09:17:00.000+01:00

You are fortunate if you have learned the difference between temporary defeat and failure, more fortunate still if you have learned the truth that the very seed of success is dormant in every defeat that you experience.

Napoleon Hill

A few years ago, I quit smoking after many, many attempts. Over the 20 some-odd years, I'd tried cold turkey, patches, inhalers, you name it, with varying amounts of success, but had never succeeded in giving up permanently.

Then, one day I'd read a great book, The Easy Way to Quit Smoking by Allen Carr, which gave me the lightbulb moment I needed which was, basically, the only thing stopping me from quitting permanently was fear; fear that I would live the rest of my life missing smoking and the fear that I would never be able to enjoy myself ever again. After all, every pleasurable experience in my life was either followed by, or done in conjunction with, smoking: eating, drinking, socializing, laying on the beach, enjoying a beautiful view, getting away from my desk at work, sex; all of them.
My Eureka Moment

Once I'd read this, and it really sank in, and was made to see that there are millions of people who have never smoked who live perfectly happy lives, I began to believe that I could do it, too. I saw the "pleasure" of smoking for what it was, the satisfaction of an addiction and finally understood that your brain will play tricks on you to get what it wants. In this case, it wanted the chemical hit of nicotine to satisfy all it's little rattled and deprived receptors. You see, my brain had made satisfying foreplay of all the rituals of smoking to keep me doing it. You form attachments with your smoking paraphenalia. Maybe you roll your own, as I did, and have a nice tin or leather pouch to keep the tobacco in or a beautiful, shiny, tactile lighter that someone gave you as a gift. You not only have the ritual of taking the cigarette out of its box, but of rolling it, too. You make a real physical connection with this object before you put it in your mouth. It's really hard to give that stuff up. Harder, in fact, than kicking the physical addiction, which really is the easy part.

I finally truly believed that I had an emotional attachment to a habit I didn't want. I didn't want to smoke anymore. I wasn't quitting for health reasons or for my partner or children but because I WANTED TO. So, I formed a mantra ("I don't want to be an addict anymore", it was true and I believed it) and repeated this to myself every time the urge hit. It was a nightmare at first, and only seemed to get worse for the first 3 weeks or so, but after that, I would go whole days without thinking about it, then weeks, then months and then, one day, I not only didn't miss it, I didn't WANT to miss it either. I was GLAD I'd quit and happy to never smoke again.

I had successfully changed my mindset.

I'd made up my mind to quit, and I did. No patches, no hypnotherapy, no acupuncture, no crutches. I wanted it, so I got it.

Now, looking back as a non smoker, and in the interest of changing my self talk and limiting beliefs, I realize I hadn't "failed" all those times, I was practising. Every time you try but don't achieve your expected result, you must learn from your attempt. In every situation where we attempt to gain something, and try again and again without quite getting it right, we call it "practice" be it sports, music, art, dance, whatever. When a violinist plays the same piece over and over and over until it's perfect, no one would say they were failing repeatedly, would they?

However, when we talk about behaviour we want to stop, yet aren't able to, we call it "failure" and this is just putting more unwanted Christmas jumpers in our emotional baggage.

I have not failed 700 times. I have not even failed once. I have succeeded in proving that those 700 ways will not work. When I have eliminated the ways that will not work, I will find the way that will work.

Thomas Edison

You can make different choices

So, every day, I know that something in my head is stopping me from achieving my dreams and I won't stop searching/contemplating/thinking/pondering/examining until I find it. For instance, I know for sure that sometimes I snack when what I really want is just a hug. Naughty, naughty, tricksy brain.

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart. Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens.

Carl Jung

In the meantime, I'm practising being the person I want to be and I'm slowly changing my mindset about my eating habits and remembering that my brain is playing tricks on me again. This change doesn't happen overnight (it didn't when I quit smoking, either), but my new mantra is "I can make different choices". This, too, is true and I believe it utterly and it's true for you, too. If I don't get it right, I chalk it up to experience, think about why I did what I did, resolve to choose differently next time and move on.

There's nothing wrong with giving in to temptation and having your slice of cake. Just not every day, and not the whole cake. It's your choice, after all.

But before you eat it, remember, you can make a different choice.

Be not the slave of your own past

2010-10-14T19:11:00.000+01:00

Be not the slave of your own past. Plunge into the sublime seas, dive deep and swim far, so you shall come back with self-respect, with new power, with an advanced experience that shall explain and overlook the old.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

I need goals for focus

2010-10-14T18:40:00.000+01:00

so, yesterday, I signed up for the Shock Absorber WomenOnly triathlon training day in May 2011. It will be held at the same venue as the race, the beautiful and serene Dorney Lake, so I'm really looking forward to going back there.

My current physio enforced blanket ban on any tri based activity (or anything else for that matter, including tennis and climbing) has the clause, if you will, of "swim/cycle soon, but run... maybe never". But I need the HOPE, right now, so the training day seems a happy medium.

Hell, the run portion of the actual race is only 2.5k; I could walk the whole thing, so I may just sign up anyway, just for the mental boost of "being in training" for a race again.

I'm praying to be allowed a little cycling when I see the physio on Saturday. I took delivery of my brand new Specialized Secteur Apex Elite which I bought via the Cycle to Work scheme, and haven't been able to ride it yet (the aforementioned ban occured betwixt ordering and getting). I'll set the turbo up in the lounge and get 5 minutes in, if that's all I'm allowed.

In the meantime, I do my ab grips and stretch my hamstrings and wait. But the waiting is killing me. I need to feel like I'm doing something. So what else can I do? Six basic and easy things:

I can start taking the stairs at work again, every day. I stopped when I slipped the disc and just got out of the habit. It's only 2 flights and I'm just being lazy now that the pain isn't chronic.
I will have my porridge BEFORE going to work. It only takes a minute and otherwise, I don't eat until 9ish (I get up at 6:30).
I will ditch my enormous morning latte (2 sugars) for a tea with a fraction of the milk and no sugar.
I will drink more water during the day.
I will eat more smaller meals.
I will restart my food diary.

I will focus on returning to proper habits so that when I can start exercising again, I won't have to think about those things.

Here goes!

So, where was I

2010-10-13T15:10:00.000+01:00

Oh yes, so, I was saying how I got the slipped (or, more accurately, herniated or, if you need a giggle, "prolapsed" *snigger* ) disc. Well, that's a stupidly long story, as these things often are, so I'll start in the middle and throw in interesting facts for spice and confusion.

I was always skinny. Really skinny. In fact, I was telling my husband the other day how I was flat chested until I was 14 when I suddenly sprouted breasts, thighs and stretchmarks in equal measure. I was also clumsy and lacked coordination which, I would later find out, was due to hyperlax joints, but that's another saga for another day. I was crap at sports, always picked last, etc etc, then, one day, my high school created a gym (this was in the 80s) and I signed up because it (a) wasn't a team sport, (b) I figured I could hide at the back and get away with not doing much at all, (c) the bitchy girls would surely do volleyball or dance or something.

It turns out I was actually pretty good at it (my father had, after all, made me carry the 25lb bags of cement that my mum needed to raise the level of the back porch all the way from the car up 2 flights of stairs; there would be no weak women in his household, thank the gods. I think there were 12 bags in all, but I only carried one at a time *cough* ).

So, I developed a lifetime love of the gym but I graduated from HS and moved to England where I got my "fresher 15" after discovering real beer coupled with a drinking age of just 18 (or, 17 if you never let it slip how young you were. I ended up banned for 3 weeks - in other words, until my 18th birthday - after showing the Kiwi barman what a US driver's license looked like. I blame the beer). I joined a gym (all free weights back then, and always empty!) and lost it, then got married and gained it, then got divorced and lost it, rinse and repeat until 6 or 7 years ago when I quit smoking and started eating. Over the years I've ended up 50lbs (let's say 3 stone) heavier than I want to be. My current (and last, I assure you) husband is a fit freak, which is part of his charm, and got me into running.

Now, I'd always been a lifter. Cardio was for warm ups and cool downs, though I'd dabbled in aerobics, or "moves fitness" as I think they called it back then. Running did not, and DOES not, come naturally to me, with good reason it turns out. This is where the hypermobility diagnosis saga comes in, but I'll save that for later. In short, I couldn't get past about a mile or so figured that I'd need something else as well. As a strong swimmer (grew up in LA; had own pool) and cyclist, I always wanted to do a triathlon so seized on that as a goal. Running was my weakest sport so concentrated on that.

I successfully completed my first tri (Timex WomenOnly, Novice distance, came 26th out of 40) 2 seasons ago, but that was the beginning of my problems. I didn't realize it then, but my disc was already herniating and it manifested itself as a dislocated pelvis. Thankfully, I'd pulled out of the London Triathlon because I couldn't run the 5k, though I had been tempted to walk it.

Fast forward 2 years later and it went big style in Jan-Feb of this year. I had 6 weeks off work with the first 3 weeks as bedrest. All was good until I started running again a month or so ago and here I am again, back at the beginning, though not quite bed bound.

I'm a food lover. I must have double the normal allotment of tastebuds or something. Anyway, trying to lose weight without exercise is just not working for me, but my physio has banned me from EVERYTHING until my core is strong enough to support my pelvis. Apparently, the muscles are good when I actually engage them, I just don't engage them when I should (standing, sitting, walking, running, swimming). My entire exercise regime hinges around gripping my tummy muscles in and tucking my pelvis under to make it level, then walking around like that.

Previous Short post

2010-10-13T14:17:00.001+01:00

Due to utterly pants nature of blogging on an iphone. I'd typed in, painstakingly, correcting what seemed like helpful, yet wildly inaccurate auto corrections, only to have the whole post disappear when I dared leave my phone unattended for 2 minutes. Must be the ghost we have who lets the dogs upstairs when we're at work and who replaced a jar of honey with a can of drinking chocolate. Seriously, the honey has disappeared to be replaced by a can of drinking chocolate neither of us remembers buying.

Ouch

2010-10-13T14:08:00.001+01:00

Slipped disc. Fully ouch.